one step closer

I'm one step closer to finishing my lengthy college education. It has been eight years since I first enrolled at the University of Arizona, and I'm still at least four years from my ultimate goal of obtaining a doctorate. And after two long years, I'm not sure exactly how I feel about that, because my feelings change from day to day.

In Literature today, my students and I read an excerpt from the short story "Eleven." In it, Rachel, the narrator, comes to the realization that your age encompasses all of the ages experienced before it. So me being 26 years old is really me being 26, 25, 24, 23, 22...11, 10, 9...3, 2, and 1. When we live our day-to-day lives, we have moments of being any one of the given ages. And that is exactly how I feel about college. Some days I'm an extremely confidant 26 year old who knows that great things are worth the work. But on other days, I'm an insecure sixteen year old who worries that I'm not good enough, not worthy enough, to complete the highest degree.

As of now, I'm definitely going to apply to the program and, upon being accepted, begin the coursework. That's all I'm ready to think about for now, not the second year, or third, or fourth, or possibly fifth, or six, etc. I know that everything happens for a reason, and I will get my doctorate if and when I do. (I'm not sure what age was talking there, maybe my 20 year old self.)